Having nothing to do on a Saturday nite, we decided to go pimping...literally..

 

Since we didn't have nothin to do, we decided to explore Justin's Jalan Pimping somewhere in Ampang. Seriously, for all y'all who don't know, there seriously IS a street named Jalan Pimping.

 

The journey to Jalan Pimping was scary. The streets were barely lit and it was a looong and swervey drive, sorta like driving in Genting. We finally reached the signboard that said "Jalan Pimping" when Lisa suddenly said "Nigel, turn your beam down and lets get the FUCK OUT of here!!".

 

I was like "What the fuck? Since we drove alll the way here, why dont we just go down for abit, take a few cheesy pictures". Lisa was adament, kept saying "Just shut the fuck up, turn off your high beams and lets MOVE!!". Fine.

 

So, I turned my lights down and turned my car around. Disspointed that I didnt get a chance to take a picture with the Jalan Pimping signboard, I kept on curiously askin "Why? Why? What's goin on? Was there a cop car there or what? Why? Why???".

 

"I think I just saw a ghost".

 

"WHAT??? No WAY!!!"

 

So I stepped on it, tryin to get out to the main road as quickly as I could. I was scared, but at the same time skeptical. "Really meh?? Cannot be la..!!"

 

So I'm racing out when something caught my eye. See, Jalan Pimping is surrounded by a forest of sorts. So, I reached a corner when I saw something weird in the jungle. It was a human like figure, only thing that it was dressed in all white and I couldnt see the face clearly as it was all dark. But I swear that it looked human, and it was standing still beneath a tree. I just let out a "FUCK" and drove even faster!! When asked why I said fuck, I told the rest that I think I saw it too.

 

"I saw something that was white... and looked fuckin scary!!!"

 

"Yala...what I saw was a white human-like figure crouching down near the longkang just now!!"

 

So we ALL remained DEAD quiet till we reached the main road!! Too scared to even talk about it while we were still there!!

 

So, this was how I spent my weekend. I couldn't swear that it was a ghost, but it looked pretty much like one. It was probably protecting Jalan Pimping from young jokers like us who thought it would be funny to go "Pimping" at 4 in the morning.

 

 

I swear I would never go pimping again. It ain't worth the pee in my pants.

Whilst driving to work one fine morning, I found out that most Malaysians suffer from a deadly disease. Yes, its true. 9 out of 10 Malaysians suffer from this disease...and most of them don't even know about it. The worst part of this disease is that it's contagious! Yes, most Malaysians suffer from this disease called "Smilekendye" disease.

 

Shocking, I know. Most of you have NEVER heard of this before, rite? Its a disease whereby if you smile, you will die. This disease is pronounced "Smile-ken-die".

 

Like I was saying, most Malaysians suffer from this disease. How else could you explain the fact that most Malaysians find it SOO fuckin hard to put a smile on their faces? Tourist may find it weird walking into a convenience store and see the cashier with an expression looking like her mother just passed away. Isn't it just common sense to SMILE and say THANK YOU when someone is giving you business by buying shit from your store??

 

Its something I will never understand. Is it really that difficult to just smile? I guess its easy for me to say since I was born with a smile on my face. The doctors probably handed me over to my mum and said "I'm sorry, Madam, but you got a crazy son". I don't know, but I find it an obligation to smile and say thank you everytime a waiter serves me my food or when a copper hands me a speeding ticket. Cos if I don't, I feel I'm just being plain rude. Nevertheless, I just find it so much easier and fun to smile than frown. You might have had a bad day, but do you have to let the WHOLE fuckin world know about it with your expression?

 

I say this disease is contagious cos if your frown may even bring somebody else's day down. For example, when drivers don't acknowlegde or say thank you when I'm stopping my car just so you have a chance to pass, I'd get pissed off too. There was this one day where I just backed my car so that this bitch could pass through this narrow lane, and instead of smiling and saying thank you as she passed, she just stared at me as if saying "Yeah, damn right you should let me pass". I just hope that she heard me screaming vulgarities at her as she passed. See? Your rudeness made me rude as well!! So, if you get a finger from me, you only brought that on yourself.

 

You don't even have to be SINCERE when you smile. Its still much nicer (and funnier) to look at a giant, fake-ass smile rather than a frowning, grouchy face. A smile can even make an ugly person look beautiful. Why do you think I keep smiling? Why do you think the Mona Lisa painting is so priceless? Mona Lisa ain't hot...heck, I don't think she's even pretty. But the reason why that painting looks so good is the smile. Mona Lisa was probably a fat, ugly bitch when she was alive. But her smile makes her look pleasent.

 

SMILE, ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS SMILE!! A lil "Thank You" wouldnt do you no harm, either.

I always thought these things were just pure lame. Well, I STILL think it's lame. But since Theo has decided to be lame, and since I'm dead bored on a Saturday nite, I decided to be lame as well.

 

THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
1. Nigel
2. Nice Girl
3. Leng Chai (by the DVD salesman/ ladies)

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. My good looks
2. My fantastic personality
3. My modesty

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1.My height
2. My upper lip
3. My lower lip

THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
1. My grandparents come from somewhere in China (Stop laughing Theo, I can picture you making "China Jokes")
2. My personality comes from both my parents, mainly my mum
3. My good looks are unique, and so is my modesty

THREE THINGS YOU CAN'T STAND:
1. Bloggers doing this "tag" thing
2. People who think they're good looking
3. Whoever Lee Hyori's dating now...she should be with me

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1. Finding out that Lee Hyori actually used to be a man
2. I scream like a girl everytime I see flying cockroaches
3. Screaming like a girl

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SHOWS:
1. I don't watch much tv these days
2. basically cos there aren't anything good on tv these days
3. and also because of Malaysia's stupid censorship board

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE JAPANESE ANIMES:
1. I think animes are lame
2. or rather people who are glued and addicted to animes are lame
3. well, except for Doraemon...that freakin cat (and Nobita) is just plain hilarious..

THREE OF YOUR CURRENT FAVORITE SONGS:
1. I love music too much
2. so I don't really have a favourite..
3. I think a better question would be "Three songs I hate"

THREE MOVIES YOU CAN WATCH OVER AND OVER AGAIN:
1. Busty Ladies
2. Japanes Schoolgirls Go Wild.
3. My Neighbour's Wife, The Slut

THREE MOVIES YOU WOULD LIKE TO WATCH:
1. Busty Ladies.
2. Japanese Schoolgirls Go Wild
3. My Neighbour's Wife, The Slut.

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. Underwear
2. Shirt
3. Pants

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
1. Nothing..
2. Well, actualy..no..nothing...
3. except for a watch...I'm doing this thing naked

THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP:
1. Blowjob
2. Foreplay
3. Her legs over my shoul...wait..we talking about sex, rite?

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE OPPOSITE GENDER THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
1. You know
2. You know
3. You know

THREE BAD HABITS:
1. Saying the word "Fuck" too often..
2. Being too nice...
3. Not letting somebody know how I feel..

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
1. Sleeping...
2. Having "Talk about life" sessions with my friends..
3. Basketball..and everything about it!!

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
1. Well, I think THIS is an obvious question..
2. And there's no need for three answers..
3.

THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING OR CURRENTLY PURSUING:
1. When it comes to careers, I think I'm kinda fickle...
2. in a sense that I don't really know what I want..
3. Cos I just want a job to allow me to live comfortably..and maybe a lil bit more

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
1. Lee Hyori's bedroom.
2. Well, besides that place, I think I want to go near everywhere..
3. I really need another vacation...but ain't got the time and money for it..

THREE KIDS' NAMES YOU LIKE:
1. Nigel Gan Jr
2. Machine Gan
3. Gan Ni Na

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
1. Find a cure that's causing me to die...
2. Visit Scarboro again...damn I miss that place..
3. Go to Church, pray and hope that I go to heaven

THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A GUY:
1.I love girls
2. I love looking at pretty girls
3. I get a high when pretty girls look at me..

INITIALS OF THREE CRUSHES:
1. I have plenty of crushes when I was young..
2. And I use to have a crush on every pretty girl I see
3. If you're a pretty girl reading this, it may be YOU

THREE PEOPLE YOU TAG TO DO THE SURVEY:
1. Lee Hyori...and hope that I am one of her crushes
2. I ain't gonna be lame and "tag" another person..
3. This is getting too lame..and it's getting too late....so good nite y'all..

 

And BELIEVE me when I say that I will never do this type of "survey" things again. I'm just doing this to humor all of you.

Things I miss since I've started working:

 

AFTERNOON NAPS..!!!

 

I've just realised that I haven't had the chance to sleep in the afternoons since I've started working. And I'm only realising this now cos I'm dead sleepy in the office today, thanks to a Jackie Chan movie I was watchin last nite. I remember when afternoon naps used to be my favourite thing in the world, and my naps can last for up to four hours. I'm just starting to realise how much I miss it, and want to make those still in college or school realise how good you guys have it.

 

And since I don't have the luxury of afternoon naps, shouldn't I hit the sack earlier at nite so I won't get too tired and sleepy the next day? Well, ever since I went to the UK, I have NEVER slept before 12am. Never. That sleeping habit has followed me back to Malaysia. I don't know why though. Probably my brain becomes more active at nite. Or maybe the lack of activity, or rather interesting activities, make me sleepy during office hours. But I gotta break the habit of going to bed at 1 or 2 in the morning and feel like crying everytime I wake up at 7.

 

Afternoon naps during the weekends? Not a chance.

 

The only thing that comes close to afternoon naps during the weekends is waking up IN the afternoons. I'll usually wake up around 1 or 2 on Saturdays. But that's also because I sleep at 4 or 5 on Fridays. I try not to sleep much during the weekends as I normally do what I can't afford to do during the weekends i.e. shopping, basketball, watch some TV, movies, wank,...etc.

 

 

On a seperate note, 'tis been a year since I've started this blog. Woooo!! Who would've thought a moron like me could keep writing for a whole year straight? Many thanks to those who have read this blog and apologise if there was anything here that offended you. I also apologise to parents whose (underaged) children have read this fuckin vulgar blog. I fuckin aplogise and I promise that I will try my fuckin best to cut down on using the word 'fuck' in this fuckin blog.

 

Happy Birthday 'They Call Me Nij'.

 

I ain't saying I'm cheap, but I generally don't like taking out money if I don't feel there's a need to. Although I've been spending money like a woman lately and on the verge on becoming a shopaholic, I don't really fork out money unnecessarily. So it makes sense that I don't enjoy PAYING when I need to use the loo.

 

Ok, most of y'all may argue that charging a small fee to use the toilets is one of the ways to keep vandals from intentionally going to the toilets just to pee on the wall (although the Sungai Wang toilet is really surprisingly quite clean!), most public toilets still stink and are left so dirty the rats and cockroaches migrate elsewhere. So I usually don't use these pay-to-pee toilets unless I am reeeeally on the brink of exploding with pee. Why pay for a toilet when you can find one that is absolutely free and I can pee till I'm dehydrated?

 

If you still think I'm cheap cos I ain't willing to part myself with a few cents to use the toilet, think of it as paying for sex. Although some of you might (even some of you reading this shit..I ain't gonna start mentioning names), I wouldn't go as low as to pay just to let out my sexual urges. Why pay for something that I can get for free? It's just a matter of working harder to get that for free. So the same principal applies for public toilets. I just have to walk a lil bit further to look for that free toilet. If I ain't in a hurry, there's no problem. If I ain't desperate for sex (and I AIN'T, contrary to popular belief...muthafuckas), I'ma keep on looking till I find somebody who can give it to me for free. And I ain't talking about hookers by the streets giving away free samples.

 

It even gives more satisfaction when I find a free toilet that is clean and does not require me to breathe thru my mouth. I get to pee with a sense of personal accomplishment and satisfaction, laughing at a friend who had to choose between spending his last penny on ice-cream or going to the loo. Heck, I'll get to eat my ice-cream WHILE I pee (it'll be kinda disgusting though). Working to find a free, clean toilet would be equivalent to working to get Hyori as my girlfriend and doing "things" couples do!

 

BUT....

 

As with anything, there are always exceptions to the rules. I would only PAY to use the toilet IF the toilet was WORTH paying for. I'm talking about gold toilet seats, a butler to wipe my ass when I'm done, a Playstation on the door in every cubicle to keep me occupied when I'm doing my thing...etc. If there was a toilet like that, then I wouldn't mind paying 20 cents to use the toilet. Or even a dollar! The same goes with paying for sex. If I were to PAY to have sex, it would only be if the girl is EXTREMELY pretty and hot. And when I say extemely, I mean jaw dropping, mouth watering, body more perfect than Haagen Daz on a hot day, face prettier than watching a sunset. Then I would pay a heck loads of money to sleep with that girl. I would pay for something I couldn't work to get for free even if I tried real hard. Makes sense, doesnt it?

 

These are the five chosen girls I would pay to sleep with (in no particular order):

1. Lee Hyori (I agree with Justin, she's a lala dream come true!)

2. Kristen Kreuk (of Smallville fame)

3. Jessica Alba (of, well, Jessica Alba fame)

4. Denise Richards (I would pay to re-enact the Wild Things scene with her!)

5. Alicia Keys (I would pay her millions to be my boo!!)

 

 

It would be a dream come true if I could buy 4, get one free!