*Uh uh...Hit em with a lil ghetto gospel...Those who wiiiish to follow me..Yeah, ghetto gospel..* (My mobile ringing)

 

Nij : Hello?

Mr Wong : Hello, is this Nijo?

Nij : Erm...yeah, this is Ni-GEL here

Mr Wong : Hi Nijo, this is Mr Wong here. I am calling from Prudential. How are you?

Nij : Erm..fine?

Mr Wong : Good good. Actwally Nijo, I am calling to see if we could meet up sometime to talk about insuwance.

Nij : Erm...ok....

Mr Wong : Can I ask ar Nijo, do you have any insuwance at the moment?

Nij : Erm...no..

Mr Wong : Oh, ok. So, when will you be free to meet up for a cup of coffee to discuss insuwance?

Nij : Erm..OK, Mr Wong rite?

Mr Wong : Ya ya..this is Mr Wong here.

Nij : Ok, I gotta be honest with you. I am currently not in a position, financially, to make any investments at the moment. I have barely enough feed me and keep me drunk for a month.

Mr Wong : Haha. You like to dwink ar?

Nij : Yeah. Also, even if I WAS looking to get some insuRRRRance, I have a few friends and family who does insuRRRRRance as well. So I'll go to them anyway cos it'll be a whole lot easier.

Mr Wong : Oh, I see. Actwally, its good to hear that.

Nij : Yep

Mr Wong : Anyway, is it OK if we still keep in touch?

Nij : ....Erm...okayyy.....whatever makes you happy.

Mr Wong : Ok, thank you vewy much Mr Nijo..

Nij : It's Ni-GEL..

Mr Wong : By the way ar...you sound vewy young. May I ask how old are you ar?

Nij : Oh, I'm just 21..22 by the end of the year.

Mr Wong : Oh..so you just only gwaduated and now working la?

Nij : Good guess

Mr Wong : Oh, Ok. Anyway, thank you vewy much ar Nijo. Bye Bye.

Nij : No problem

 

________________________________________________________________________

 

 

 This was the phone call I received this morning, and I had to stop myself from giggling everytime he attempted to pronounce a word with "r" in it. His name was probably even Mr Rong. I really quite enjoy poking fun at these people, really reminds me of Elmer Fudd's "I'll get you you wabbit!".

 

I am seriously (sewiously?) considering changing my name to Nijo. At least they'll pronounce my name rite.Well, at least he came close to pronouncing it rite. "Nijo" was still better than other attempts at saying my name rite, like "Ginal", "Jojo", "Neegal", "Neegirl", "Nice Girl". Is it really THAT difficult to pronounce my name? It's still a normal name! It's a good thing parents ain't Greek, otherwise good luck pronouncing Nigelicic Jascililavic.

 

It's also funny that he mentioned that I sound really young. Actually, I have been told I sound rather old on the phone but I LOOK like a freakin kid. Everytime my aunty, uncle, grand-aunty, great-grand-aunty calls my house, they always mistake me for my Dad. But I look really young for my age, so young the Bumper Car attendant wouldnt even let me on cos I didnt have my parents with me.

 

Attendant : Boy, where is your papa or mama? I can't let you on the ride if you are not with your papa or mama.

Nij : I'M FREAKIN 21 FUCKIN YEARS OLD..!!!!! I don't even CALL them papa and mama anymore...!!!!!!!!!!!

Attendant : Boy, it's not good to say bad word, ok? If not I will tell you papa and mama.

Nij : Fuck you muthafucka.

Attendant : *stares at another attendant and shakes his head*  Tsk tsk, kids these days ar...damn rude..

 

 

I've become so famous and inspiring they've decided to write a song about me. You gotta admit, it's really not a bad song init? The song was originally by XTC (rock version), but I kinda like this version better.

 

 

We’re only making plans for Nigel
We only want what’s best for him
We’re only making plans for Nigel
Nigel just needs this helping hand

And if young Nigel says he’s happy
He must be happy
He must be happy
He must be happy in his work

We’re only making plans for Nigel
He has his future in a british steel
We’re only making plans for Nigel
Nigel’s whole future is as good as sealed

And if young Nigel says he’s happy
He must be happy
He must be happy
He must be happy in his work

Nigel is not outspoken
But he likes to speak
And loves to be spoken to
Nigel is happy in his work
Nigel is happy in his work

I still think this joke is damn funny:

 

Two dwarfs pick up two hookers and take them to their hotel rooms. The first dwarf not only can't get a hard-on, but all night he has to listen to the other dwarf and the other hooker grunting "One, two three, uhh...one, two three, uhh..." In the morning, the second dwarf says to the first dwarf, "So how was it?" The first dwarf says, "It sucked. I couldn't get a hard-on all night." The second dwarf says, "You think that's bad? I couldn't even get up on the fucking bed."

The Malaysian media have been going crazy over it. Yeah, I bet all you guys out there remember precisely where you were when you heard the news. Well, at least I do.

 

 

 

I woke up last Sunday all drowsy and picked up the Sunday Mail that was placed right next to my breakfast. I took a quick scan up and down the front page and flipped over to the sports pages at the back. However something struck me as I flipped the paper over to the sports section. I sensed that there was something sensational in the front page. Something amiss. So I flipped back to the front page when I almost chocked on my bread and spilled my coffee as I read "Amber Chia in Playboy (page 8)".

 

I started pinching and slapping myself, thinkin I was dreaming (again) of seeing Amber Chia naked. After feeling my hand getting bruised, I realised I wasn't dreaming and I flipped to page 8 so fast I had multiple paper cuts. I was hoping that the Sunday Mail would include a Playboy subscription form in that page so that we all could get THAT copy of Playboy. I wouldn't mind spending my entire paycheck on getting a copy of Playboy with Amber showing off her (quite small) titties.

 

I almost cried when I read the contents of that article. Amber Chia posing in the Indonesian, no-titty version of Playboy. I have totally forgotten about the news earlier in the month about Indonesia contemplating on whether to allow Playboy to hit their newstands. I got so angry that I ripped the Sunday Mail, threw everything on the table on the floor, went on my knees and screamed "WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYY???"

 

(Nalar, just kiddin. I ain't that crazy)

 

 

But, I gotta admit, its still pretty bold move by Amber though. She really has balls (nononono..I did NOT say that...I ain't gonna ruin my dream girl!). She will now forever have the "Playmate" label hanging over her, her image now totally in the balance. She was once the most-wanted model in the land, with every company offering millions (well, maybe not millions) for her face to appear in their ads. There even was a time where her face was in the papers nearly everyday, attending all sorts of dumb events. Her face now appears everyday in The Sun as the model for the Dutch Lady Yoghurt ad. I'm just thinkin how will her sponsors react to her decision to appear in Playboy? In the corporate and marketing world, image is everything. Granted, most of her endorsements are from companies targeting at the older demographic, the demographic old enough to READ nude magazines. But I'm just curious on how Dutch Lady will react to this as companies and brands like this tend to shy away, not wanting their product to be associated with anything controversial, let alone a Playmate!

 

Whatever it is, she certainly has the guts to go thru with it. Heck, this may even propel her career upwards, if she knows how to not just handle, but ride the controversy. She is now being talked about even MORE than before in the papers everyday.

 

 

I'm still pretty upset though. What was Playboy even thinking when they decided to release a non-nudity version of their famous magazine in Indonesia? A Playboy without nudity?? What is the reason for having the magazine at all when there's no nudity?? The reason people go to the movies is to watch the MOVIE, not the adverts or the previews! The reason I buy Playboy is to see girls who I will NEVER get in my lifetime spreading their legs in front of me while I'm in the bathroom!

 

Next thing you know, we'll have non-alcoholic Jack Daniels being sold.

 

 

 

 

I hate it when these things happen to me.

 

So, I'm having my shower when it comes time to wash my face. I reach out for my facial wash and start squeezing for soap, realising that the tube's finished. So I grab a new one which I just bought and start squeezing, with my eyes all squinty from the water running down my face. I squeeze, and squeeze, and nothing comes out. Frustrated, I then gave a tube a real hard squeeze. To my utter disgust, a whole loooong ass line of soap comes out onto my hand, so much that it could wash a hundred muthafuckas faces. My brother must've thought I was crazy cos he could probably hear me yell "FUCCCCCCK" from his room.

 

Ain't nothing I can do but use all of it init? It's not like I can put the damn soap back in the muthafuckin tube. They should have like a warning on the fuckin tube, "Warning, do not press hard when using the tube for the first time". Damn virgin tubes.

 

 

I probably don't have to wash my face for a week with the amount of soap I used. Fuck.

Theo, you complain about dumb HELP students blocking you on the way to work? Dude, I'd take that over facing the KL traffic ANYDAY!

 

I left work slightly earlier today at 5.45pm cos I wanted to go see my Grandma in the hospital. She's in the ICU so the visiting times are just 12pm-2pm and 6pm-8pm. Since I haven't the time to see her the entire week, I thought I should go visit her today, since I can leave early cos I have to go back to the office later again.

 

I left the office at 5.45pm.

 

I arrived in Bangsar at 7.45pm.

 

FUUUCKINN HELLLLLLL....

 

I made it just in time to see my Grandma..for about 10 minutes.

 

KL traffic is FUCKIN MAD! TWO freakin hours just to make it from one part of Kuala Lumpur to another? Simply insane. Two hours is MORE than the time it takes to fly to bloody SINGAPORE! I think I'll go crazy if I continue working in KL. I think I spend more hours in traffic than I do sleeping! Why are there SO many cars is this damn city?? Didn't the fuel prices just go up?? Why can't more of y'all take the train to work??

 

 

This damn city is getting just a wee bit too fucked up. Bring me back to Perhentian!

Man....it sure has been a crummy week this week.

 

It has been a real hectic week, with my client's huge event next week causing me to work late everyday. So, thoughout the whole week, I was just sooo looking forward to Friday and the weekend, just to relax a lil bit and put my work aside for a lil bit.

 

So, Friday came and I was gettin ready to go out and have a lil fun when my brother came rushin in my room saying "We have to get Amah to the hospital". Apparently, she fell and when I saw her, she was all shivering, unable to speak. We thought that we could carry her into the car, but she was all stiff. So I suggested that it was best that we call the ambulance.

 

So I called the for an ambulance, and then waited outside my house (thinkin that the ambulance would arrive in like 5 minutes or somethin...just like in the movies!). So I waited....and waited...waited...and getting a lil more frustrated with every passing minute. Suddenly, my house phone rang and I rushed to pick it up. It was the ambulance on the phone, and to my utter disgust, askin "Erm...how do we get to your house ar?". It has been freakin HALF an hour and the freakin ambulance still hasnt arrived. So, my bro called the ambulance and ask them to wait at a certain location and he would drive out and lead them here. Well, I think I can't really blame the ambulance driver cos the ambulance wasnt from Bangsar (apparently they were from KL). I think the whole ambulance emergency system is fucked up though.

 

My grandma suffered from a pretty bad stroke apparently, according to the doctor. She is currently in the ICU.

 

It was just the perfect ending to the week init? I should have predicted it though, as my week kept gettin from bad to worse. I didn't know it would be my granny who will be sufferin at the end of the week. I bet I can't complain to my grandma about my bad week now, can I? She'll just say "You think you had a bad week?? I just had a stroke!!". Ok Grandma, you win.

 

It actually came as a shock to us as she was all healthy and normal just yesterday. I guess this really shows that we can never predict what's next in life init?

 

 

Oh well, get well soon Grandma. Get some rest now. You got a whole family prayin for you, so you gonna be just fine.