I'm hungry, but sleepy as well.

I'm actually hungrier than I am sleepy...but I just couldn't be arsed (not a swear word!) to move my skinny lil butt to get some food.

I don't think McDonalds delivers at 3.26am.

Even if they did, I think my parents would think I'm crazy beyond help if they hear the doorbell (which somebody has changed to a friggin 'Mary had a Little Lamb' tune) and saw a McDonald man delivering food at 3.30am in the morning.

I could make some Maggi Mee, or even just a simple plain Nutella sandwich, but I'm too comfortable sitting down here to move.

 

I think I'm just goin crazy. Maybe I'll just go to bed.

After a sub-par Christmas and a dead boring Boxing Day spent doing absolutely nothing productive in the office, I started thinkin of resolutions I could, or should, make for this upcoming new year (It's friggin 2007 already!!). Resolutions are meant for self improvement, so its hard for me to improve on perfection, but I'll give it a try anyways.

 

The one thing people always say I am is that I am damn fuckin vulgar, so vulgar that my parents wouldn't acknowledge me as their son if they actually knew how I speak. I have no idea when I became this vulgar, but all I know is that I've got to fuckin cut down (damnit!). Among my famous and favourite daily vulgarities are:

 

"Muthacibai! I'll cut your muthafuckin children!" - Especially used when driving

 

"Kaninapukichowcibai" - Fun to say when you say it fast

 

"Eh, go fuck your mother la!" - My reply when asked to do something ridculous. Ditto for "Go fuck yourself la".

 

 

"Sohai, cibai, muthafuckin BASTARD!" - When showing extreme displeasure

 

 

*Notice how my swears are very maternal. I don't know why either.

 

 

Suffice to say that I'm sure many of you agree that I need to expand my range of vocabulary. However, you notice that I am hardly ever angry when I'm swearing (well, I hardly EVER get angry). It's just an automatic, built-in response that I have. When I'm angry, the only thing visible is my pouty lips, which are so huge it covers everything else on my face and you can probably gauge how pissed off I am by the size of my fuckin lips.

 

But come on, how can you NOT swear when something shitty happens? Or when some idiot driver who cuts in front of you without signalling? It's become so natural that sometimes I don't even realise I'm swearing, which is probably the reason why my mom is always so quiet in the car when I'm driving. For instance, wouldn't you yell "Oh, fuck me sideways!!!" if you spilled coffee on your white shirt? Or if someone cuts in front of you in a long queue, wouldn't you yell "Oi muthafuckin ASSHOLE!!! Are you as blind as your fuckin mother that you can't see that there's a long muthafuckin line?"?

 

So in a sense, swearing is sort of a tension/stress reliever. If you DON'T swear, it's very...unsatisfying. The feeling is best described in Hokkien as Boh Kam Wan. Saying stuff like "Oh no" or nodding your head and saying "tsk tsk tsk" is just gay and doesn't quite cut it. It's a whole different feeling when you just let your heart out and yell "FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!".

 

 

...

 

 

So anyway, I'm not creating excuses for myself to swear. Matter of fact, I've decided. I AM gonna cut down on my swearing and cussing. Let it be known that its not gonna be easy though. I've already lost a bet prohibiting me from swearing for at least a week. (I lost it a couple of hours after the bet was made. But it was under unfair circumstances). But I have become stronger and more eager to really make this my New Year 2007 resolution. Don't believe me? Try me muthafucka! I dare to take on any bets or challenges from anyone!

 

 

BUT.....

 

Let me just get it outta my system for the last time.

 

 

 

 

There, NOW challenge me!

 

 

Just a shoutout to all who wished Merry Nigel Day greetings to me. Some expected, some unexpected, and some really unexpected. Especially to that person in the UK who somewhat guessed correctly. But thanks nonetheless...thanks for the wishes and thanks for the love. I always feel bad because besides always not being able to remember people's names, I also never take the initiative of remembering friends' birthdays.

 

It's a bad habit, I know. And it's probably a 'Birthday Resolution" I should make this year. So, to make it up, Happy Birthday in Advance and Happy Belated Birthday to all, and I mean ALL my friends and loved ones.

 

 

 

 

 

Peace.